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Adventures in Airbnbing.

It's felt a little like Jose has just been a witness to an excessive weekend. Can I arrive after midnight on Friday? he asks, and I pull a face he can't see and say, well, yeah, sure you can, but, you know, it's FRIDAY NIGHT... Half an hour before he arrives and I'm glugging wine across town and calculating how long before I have to start walking and he phones me and I think who the hell is this? Polite as I am, I tell the stranger calling me how to drive through town, then I hang up and think, that's odd, a stranger just called me for driving information about town... Then I call him back and apologise, which just makes things even weirder. The tour, some hours later, is fairly shambolic. Blah blah plah, here's a key! Look! I'll show you how a key is used in a door! You turn it CLOCKWISE, I yell. There have been some incidents with airbnb gusts turning the key anticlockwise, a thing I thing I didn't know was possible, and locking us all in the house. It seems sensible to now include this as part of the tour. CLOCKWISE! I yell this again and then wonder if Spaniards know words like 'clockwise'. I put this aside and we jog upstairs and I put him to bed as he seems oddly keen to going straight to sleep, so that's all fine. Next morning I encounter him on the stairs. HOW DO I LOOK? He yells at me and I stare at his yellow bow tie and shiny shoes and think, that's a yellow bow tie, but at the same time he's so handsome and Spanish and smelling of eau de toilette that it's all a bit intoxicating and I just blurt out, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, and he looks quite happy and goes to do... something - I always forget to ask what the people do. So, a day passes, and a night and I find him this morning about to leave. Jose, I say, I'm sorry about being a bit drunken on your arrival. He opens his mouth, aghast, WHAT? WHAT? He shouts, There is nothing! No problem! He tells me, Everything is FANTASTIC! Oh, good, I say, and we have a complex handshake that involves some gang signs that, frankly, I make up as I go along. You come to Madrid, you call me. He says. I will, handsome Jose, I will.