Adventures in Scarborough.
It's 9pm and we're sitting on a bench overlooking the North Beach, drinking wine. A decidedly well-worn couple sit at the bench next to us, 'Alright!' he says. 'Alright!' I answer. 'What you drinking?' he asks, drunkenly. Uh-huh, I think, they want our wine. 'Red wine.' I tell him. He pulls out a bottle of champagne, 'Got to have something nice to drink looking at the sea eh?' he tells me, waving it, 'Want some of this?' 'Oh, no, we're fine on red wine.' I say. The woman takes the bottle and starts to peel the foil off, as the police arrive, 'Are you two stupid or what?' says one of them. The man shrugs. 'Right, I'm arresting you for theft...' says the officer, and starts reading him his rights. Hearing this the woman pops the cork and starts chugging the champagne down. 'Give us some!' yells the man, and grabs the bottle from her with his handcuffed hands and starts gulping it. A policeman sighs, 'Come on Gerrard, that's enough,' the woman grabs it back and starts drinking. 'You arlright Steve?' asks Gerrard, 'You got a fag?' Constable Steve says, 'I'm alright Gerrard, thanks, come on, let's go to the van, I'll get you a fag, you can smoke it there. Let's not have a scene, these people here have come to Scarborough to see nice things, not this.' he turns to us, 'Sorry about this,' he says. They pick up the rest of the shoplifted goods (half a dozen tins of tuna and eight cans of Guinness) and walk off to the police van. 'Ere,' says the woman with the champagne bottle in hand, 'am I not arrested?'