A friend announced her pregnancy, everyone was excited. I was a little surprised to hear she was going into labour the same evening, but being a dream I accepted this. When I arrived she looked awful - pallid and spent. She'd had the baby already. 'A boy.' She whispered. I looked in the bundle of sheets and found a massive baby, about three feet long and light blue. It had a very big head. 'How, um, much did it weigh?' I ask. 'I'm not sure, but quite a lot...' At this point my dead grandmother appears and tries to pick the baby up. It's so heavy that she keeps on falling over and smashing into the furniture, it's all quite distressing. I finally take the baby and sit it up. It starts babbling. 'Is that German?' I ask my friend. She shrugs. The baby makes Greek noises then finally, 'Ah! English? I can do this'. At this point everyone vanishes and I'm left alone to bring the little freakish thing up myself. I do my best. 'Today I learned about photography,' it would tell me as I came home (I'd leave it alone quite a lot), or 'Today I learned about conflict resolution.' 'Oh good.' I'd usually say. As I woke up from the dream the child was bigger than me and quizzing me about the biology of lampreys. I don't know much about lampreys.