I've been chosen to be the new Dr Who. 'What, the TV show?' I ask. 'No, the real Dr Who! A Time Lord!'. I think about it, 'What's the down-side?' (ever cynical). 'Nothing really, you'll have to have an extra heart put in of course. And start smoking again. Oh, and there's no TARDIS or gadgets really.' We've walked to the tobacconists, I'm handed a pouch of the Doctor's special tobacco, I finger it suspiciously. 'It IS a bit tough, isn't it? Rub some more butter in!' he says to the tobacconist. 'Butter?' I ask. 'Don't worry, it's Shea butter.' he says. I'm wondering if it's too late to back out of the deal.
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