Before we go to the British Tea Festival we have to do the haunted house tour. We're already ready for the festival, wearing waistcoats, bow ties and bowler hats, clutching our cups. But, no, haunted house. We change into the haunted house costume which appears to consist of a black wig, false beard and a black plastic torso with small holes for your just your hands at the shoulders. They're ridiculous. I wind-up a small pig that makes a spooky noise and let it go. Wooooo! it wails. We watch it shuffle across the floor. This is rubbish, I think. We go up the stairs and I open the attic trapdoor (with difficulty due to the stupid costume). Dozens of cuddly toys tumble out. And the rabbit. The undead rabbit. THE RABBIT'S NOT DEAD! I scream and we turn and run in terror.